The Secret Book Project

Vinnea drew the back of her hand across her mouth as her stomach lurched. She stood, splashed cold water on her face, and considered her pasty complexion and red-rimmed eyes in the mirror.

“You will not throw up again,” she told herself.

Truth was, Vinnea’s feelings were in as much turmoil as her middle. The thought of telling Talvek–of Talvek’s reaction to her news–made her stomach churn.

Really, why did she even bother eating?

She considered resting for a few more moments–she was so tired–but the sleeping platform had already receded into the floor, the room efficiently converting itself to its daytime no-nonsense equivalent: sleek chairs, table, and desk. Gone were the darkened walls with pinprick lights, replaced instead by the clear walls showing the morning sky’s ombre tones of blue.

She walked to the walls and checked the sky pad: Talvek’s helipod was already gone. No surprise there. He’d been leaving ever earlier and returning later from work since Emric’s… incident.

Another day to find a solution. Vinnea groaned inwardly. Who was she kidding? It was more like another attempt to prolong the inevitable.

Vinnea waved at the wall to her closet and it dematerialized. Copious clothes, shoes, and jewelry filled the well organized cubby. Once she’d marveled at it all. When had living in a high-tech studio apartment become so common place? When had her days become so devoid of… life?

She directed the shelves to spin until her ugliest pair of shoes came into view. How many times had Talvek suggested she dispose of them? These sturdy, utilitarian, unassuming symbols of her previous life. He’d tell her they were a waste of space and remind her that space was a precious commodity in their overcrowded city. She could almost hear him say, as he had so many times, “As Director of the Overpopulation Control Agency it is up to us to set the example.”

But still she kept the shoes. Her one small act of rebellion. They represented far more to her than Talvek realized. Not only did they embodied her past. The last lifeline to her family. To the things she so readily abandoned when tall, handsome, perfect Talvek had offered her a new life as his bride–choosing her, a border villager, over all the glam-gems of the city. They also contained a parting gift.

She reached inside her old shoes and pulled out the digiscript her mother had given her before the wedding. “An escape clause,” her mother had said. “In case city life isn’t what you expect. This passport will allow you to leave undetected and guide you back to us. Promise me you’ll keep this safe and secret.”

And so Vinnea had promised.

In the early days of their marriage, she’d nearly told Talvek about the digiscript multiple times, but something kept the words from transversing her lips. The time wasn’t right. Or there was a distraction. Or Talvek came home in one of his moods. Eventually, she’d become pregnant with Emric and had forgotten all about it.

But today… today she had to make a decision. Better to confront Talvek before he had time to consult with anyone at work. If she could get through to him before his mind was set, everything might yet be fine. She had to hope so for Emric’s sake, because while her mother’s gift would allow her to escape the city, it wouldn’t allow Emric to leave even if he was completely healed.

Her chest ached, and she wondered if it was possible for someone’s heart to literally tear. How could a mother choose between her living son and the new life growing inside her?

All the unknowns tangled in Vinnea’s thoughts. There had to be a way through this, but there was only one path that seemed hopeful and she couldn’t help but believe that it was the least likely outcome. Was it a fantasy to hope Talvek would be glad they were having a baby despite the city’s overcrowding? Despite his Agency’s single-child initiative?

She suspected… feared… the opposite would be true: that this would be another case where it would be incumbent upon him to “set the example.” But what kind of example would it be? If a couple already had a child, what would happen to a second pregnancy?

What if Talvek forced her to give away one of their children? Or worse, if he demanded the pregnancy be terminated? If Talvek wouldn’t fight for the life growing inside of her, she couldn’t stay with him.

But if she had to flee to protect her unborn child, what about Emric? How could she live with herself if she abandoned her son?

Vinnea dropped the digiscript and raced to the egress chute. Her stomach divested itself of the remainder of breakfast.